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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24715861">Contract Breaker</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/colobonema/pseuds/colobonema'>colobonema</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy VIII</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, First Kiss, Gen, Humor, Self-Reflection, Squall Leonhart being Squall Leonhart, Teen Romance, Undercover Missions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 07:15:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24715861</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/colobonema/pseuds/colobonema</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Newly-graduated SeeD Squall Leonhart is hired by General Caraway for a solo mission, working undercover in a resistance organization in Timber. However, he starts to find the mission objective harder and harder to stomach. Canon Divergence/What If?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rinoa Heartilly/Squall Leonhart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disclaimer: I make no claim whatsoever to the characters or world of Final Fantasy VIII, which is the property of Squaresoft/Square Enix.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Chapter I: The Contract</strong>
</p>
<p>The young mercenary pushed his hair, damp with droplets of the lightly drizzling April rain, out of his eyes and straightened his back as he prepared to lift the solid brass knocker on the huge, imposing door of the mansion that stood before him.</p>
<p>"I'm here to see the General, sir."</p>
<p>A uniformed orderly, a full six inches taller, peered down at him. "Name?"</p>
<p>"Squall Leonhart."</p>
<p>"He's waiting for you."</p>
<p>The orderly led Squall through a dimly-lit hallway, filled with a vaguely musty smell, to a study - or perhaps a home library, Squall wasn't sure of the various terms used by the wealthy to refer to their surfeit of rooms - which was only slightly better illuminated by a gaudy, golden chandelier dangling precariously from the ceiling. The room spoke of distinction, old money and power; the heavy velvet curtains, jade-colored silk wallpaper and dark oak panelling was a world away from the gleaming chrome and pastel colors of Balamb Garden, the only home Squall could remember having known. <em>So this is how the elite live</em>, he reflected dispassionately.</p>
<p>The general of the Galbadian Army, a dour-faced man with graying hair dressed in a heavy military longcoat, was sitting at the grand writing desk that occupied most of the far side of the room. Glancing up at his visitor, he acknowledged Squall with a brusque wave of his hand towards the chair opposite the desk. Squall took a seat, secretly glad that his first client was someone similarly uninterested in formalities such as handshakes and self-introductions that Squall himself preferred to avoid.</p>
<p>"I assume you've been informed that this is an undercover infiltration mission." His tone was clipped and businesslike.</p>
<p>"Yes, sir."</p>
<p>"This mission is… rather sensitive in nature."</p>
<p>Squall nodded. <em>Politically sensitive. </em>Well, he'd been trained for that.</p>
<p>"The organization in question is a minor resistance group based in Timber. The Forest Owls."</p>
<p>The general trailed off, looking oddly uncomfortable.</p>
<p>"Is the objective to bring down the group?" Squall prompted.</p>
<p>General Caraway shook his head. "No, no. We're quite content with the level of the Owls' activities."</p>
<p>Squall frowned, wondering if he'd misunderstood something. "Content?"</p>
<p>"There are various benefits in allowing the people of Timber to feel as if they're doing something with the existence of these pathetically incompetent factions. If we were to stamp them out, there is a danger that they might actually be replaced with something effective." The general snorted derisively. "No, there is a certain member of the Owls…" he cleared his throat. "Rinoa Caraway, aged seventeen. My daughter. Currently going by the name Rinoa Heartilly."</p>
<p>The general clasped his gloved hands together and continued. "As I'm sure you can imagine, the presence of my daughter in a resistance faction in direct opposition to me is extremely problematic for a man in my position. In addition to the political embarrassment, there is also the matter of her safety. After you infiltrate the group, I want you to form a close relationship with Rinoa, convince her to leave the Owls and run away with you. At which point you will bring her to me."</p>
<p>"So I'm to retrieve your daughter?" Squall asked, trying to hide the incredulity from his voice.</p>
<p>Caraway shot him a withering look. "I could send in armed troops at any time to drag her back, but she'd only run away again. No, your role is to win her over to the extent that the revelation of your deception causes her to… lose her trust in others. If I am to convince her to come home for good, she needs to be sufficiently broken in spirit." Squall's eyebrows raised involuntarily at the sheer callousness of this plan, and the older man at least had the decency to look away in embarrassment. "It's for her safety," he added, seemingly attempting to convince himself more than the young SeeD.</p>
<p>"And how do you suggest I accomplish this?"</p>
<p>"Use your initiative. An extremely <em>close</em> relationship, do you understand? Don't make me spell it out in any more detail than necessary. But let me make one point very clear. If it goes any further than kissing, I'll happily shoot you myself."</p>
<p>Squall stared at him open-mouthed. Was this creepy old man seriously suggesting…?</p>
<p>He cleared his throat. "Sir, I believe there may be some misunderstanding about what being a SeeD actually entails."</p>
<p>Caraway drummed his long fingers on the desk in irritation, his thin white gloves muffling the sound. "Evidently. On your part, boy."</p>
<p>Squall opened his mouth again to argue, but Caraway held up a hand, letting out a tired sigh.</p>
<p>"I understand this is your first mission."</p>
<p>"Yes, sir." <em>If you can call this bullshit a mission.</em></p>
<p>"It's not common for new graduates to be given a solo mission, I assume?"</p>
<p>"No, it isn't," Squall agreed.</p>
<p>"Do you know why I selected you, Leonhart? Your ID photo. Out of all the candidates for the mission, you were the one who looks most like a member of one of those godawful boybands she used to fawn over."</p>
<p>Squall stiffened. Was this man mocking him? "With respect sir, I'm a SeeD, and I don't <em>appreciate</em>-"</p>
<p>Caraway waved his hand dismissively. "Yes yes, you're a trained mercenary, and you know it all at seventeen, I'm sure. You're also a pretty-boy, much as it may pain you to admit. As a SeeD, you need to know how to use your assets to your advantage. That includes your looks. You're not much of a SeeD if you didn't realize that."</p>
<p>He turned to the shelf behind him, blocking Squall's glare with his back. "This is Rinoa." Caraway thrust a framed photo towards Squall, showing a smiling dark-haired girl wearing the school uniform of an elite Deling City private school.</p>
<p>Squall glanced away quickly, but not before he saw the genuine, sweet warmth in the girl's eyes. <em>Make her lose all trust in others. </em>It didn't feel right. At all.</p>
<p>"The Forest Owls' base is a disused train carriage. The coordinates are in the mission file, as is the password needed to identify yourself to them as an ally. We received this quite recently from an informant in Timber; it should still be correct. You are to make reports to me directly by telephone every three days. At the risk of stating the obvious, ensure you only use your SeeD-issued phone, and only call me when you are certain you are completely alone."</p>
<p><em>You're damn right you're stating the obvious, </em>Squall bristled, but held his tongue.</p>
<p>The general scanned Squall's face with unforgiving dark brown eyes. "Any questions?"</p>
<p>"No, sir."</p>
<p>"Then you're dismissed, Leonhart." He turned his back on Squall and waved a hand indicating that it was time for his visitor to remove himself. Squall withdrew from the room wordlessly, his hackles thoroughly raised. <em>Dismissing me like I'm a regular G-Army grunt. Who the hell does he think he is?</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>Squall sat down heavily on his bed at the Galbadia Hotel, and felt a stab of revulsion at the swishing sound the synthetic salmon-pink bedspread made against his leather pants. <em>I hate this city already, </em>he seethed. He slid his SeeD-issued phone out of an inner pocket in his jacket and flipped it open.</p>
<p>It was three seconds, perhaps two, before his call was picked up. <em>Not bad, </em>he thought grudgingly.</p>
<p>"Mission coordination, Xu speaking. State your name and rank."</p>
<p>"Squall Leonhart, Rank 7."</p>
<p>"And your purpose for calling?"</p>
<p>"Permission to be recalled to Garden."</p>
<p>"Denied," she said flatly. "Flaking out five minutes into your first mission, Leonhart? Did we make the wrong call on your field exam?"</p>
<p>"The client's demands are unreasonable."</p>
<p>He heard her clicking her tongue in disapproval. "That's not for the SeeD to decide, and you know it. The mission has already been approved. Contract stamped. Tough shit, in other words."</p>
<p>Squall squeezed the handset in frustration. "The sick old creep wants me to… to seduce his runaway daughter!"</p>
<p>"And?" Xu sounded bored. "What, is she underage or something?"</p>
<p>No," he hissed, repulsed by the suggestion. "She's seventeen."</p>
<p>Xu chuckled lightly. "Then what have you got your panties in a twist about? Not your type or something?"</p>
<p>"What!? This is - is this <em>funny</em> to you? I didn't train for years for this kind of bullshit! I'm a <em>SeeD!"</em></p>
<p>Squall had to hold the phone away from his head as Xu's peal of laughter assaulted his ear.</p>
<p>"Two words for you, Leonhart: Male privilege. Do you have any idea what kind of crap female SeeDs have to put up with? Just last week I had to send a Rank 30 SeeD out to get all cozy with the creepy-ass Duke of Dollet. <em>She</em> didn't bitch and whine that she was too good for the mission. So you better not be complaining about the prospect of slipping a cute teenage girl a bit of tongue, you precious twat."</p>
<p>Squall waited in silence until the First SeeD had finished berating him.</p>
<p>"Leonhart, you still there?" she barked.</p>
<p>"You're an appalling person," he responded coldly.</p>
<p>Squall could still hear Xu's tinny cackle echoing out of the speaker as he hit the red button in disgust.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The Owls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disclaimer: I make no claim whatsoever to the characters or world of Final Fantasy VIII, which is the property of Squaresoft/Square Enix.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Chapter II: The Owls</strong>
</p>
<p>The Owls' base was a train carriage that sat innocently on one of the far platforms of Timber Station. Squall had half-expected it to be located in a forest or on wasteland; the fact that it was hiding in plain sight surely meant that the station staff were fully aware of the Owls' presence. From the little he'd read about Timber, perhaps that was unsurprising. Most citizens were said to either actively or tacitly support resistance factions. He understand now how obvious it was that Caraway was well-informed of the group's activities - but why didn't the Owls see that? Did they think they were hiding effectively? Squall folded his arms and waited for the bandanna-wearing youth loitering outside the carriage to notice him.</p>
<p>After a while, he did. It was almost comical watching the boy's eyes sweep over Squall, clearly attempting to decide if he was looking at a friend or foe. Squall cocked his head slightly and remained silent. <em>Let them approach you. </em>It was one of the first lessons of infiltration training. <em>No sudden movements, </em>his Instructor had said. <em>Imagine that you're trying to gain the trust of a pet. It's the same principle.</em></p>
<p>The youth wandered over towards him, with a somewhat forced casual smile on his face. "You new to Timber, sir?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. It's not much like it used to be, I heard." Squall replied, supplying the lead-in to the password.</p>
<p>A twinkle lit up the boy's eyes. "Well, the forests of Timber sure have changed, you see."</p>
<p>"Mm. But the Owls are still around, isn't that right?"</p>
<p>The youth grinned widely and held out a hand. "Sure is, sir. Name's Watts. Wanna come in?"</p>
<p>Squall followed him into the carriage interior, which was dingy and messy, the walls plastered with posters and anarchist slogans. A young man with black spiky hair, clad in an oversized royal blue hoodie, rose from his seat immediately and frowned at Squall. "Who's this? Watts?"</p>
<p>Watts shrugged. "Dunno, but he knows the password. So go easy on him, Zone."</p>
<p>"I'm Squall." Squall quickly glanced around the compartment. His eyes fell immediately on his target, who was sitting on a repurposed train carriage bench placed next to a wooden crate that was being used as a table, her arms wrapped round a huge, glossy-haired dog. Rinoa was dressed in a sky-blue t-shirt and denim shorts, a pair of white room slippers on her feet. She smiled up at him uncertainly.</p>
<p>She looked older than she had in Caraway's photo, and with longer hair. <em>Prettier, too, </em>he thought absently, then mentally kicked himself. <em>Stay professional, you moron. </em>He scanned her face, taking in her big brown eyes, long lashes, cute nose and sweetly-shaped pink lips. <em>Damn.</em> <em>I'm supposed to kiss her. How the hell am I going to stay professional if I've got to kiss her? </em>Tearing his eyes away from her face, he watched as her right hand absent-mindedly stroked the thick fur on the dog's neck.</p>
<p>"I heard you could use some help. I'm combat-trained. I'm a dropout from Balamb Garden."</p>
<p>Zone's glare remained suspicious. "Who told you our password?"</p>
<p>"Let's just say we have a mutual acquaintance."</p>
<p>"It's Seifer, right?"</p>
<p>Squall's jaw dropped for a fraction of a second before he controlled his features. The name of his classroom rival, the infuriatingly arrogant youth who had so recently carved a still-fresh scar into Squall's forehead, was definitely not the first word he would expect to come out of Rinoa's mouth.</p>
<p>He stayed silent, issuing no denial. <em>Better to let them think Seifer gave me the password than try to come up with an alternative explanation, </em>Squall decided. Rinoa took this as confirmation of her guess, and beamed.</p>
<p>"I knew it! Last year he kept saying said he'd find a way to help us. I always knew he'd come through for me in the end." She gazed up at Squall, eyes wide with excitement. "Is he going to join us, too?"</p>
<p>Squall shook his head. "He failed the exam as well. Got in even bigger trouble than I did. Seifer's not going to be in a position to help you out for a long time."</p>
<p>"Oh," she said in a small voice, looking disappointed. Squall wondered what the nature of her relationship to Seifer was. She seemed to be fond of him. He ground his teeth. <em>Of all the Garden cadets, why did it have to be that jackass?</em></p>
<p>Rinoa was looking up at him shrewdly. "You don't like him, do you?"</p>
<p>Squall shrugged. <em>She's perceptive, I'll give her that. </em>"We've never got on."</p>
<p>Zone cut in. "Why do you want to join us?"</p>
<p>"Don't misunderstand me - I have no personal attachment to Timber." Zone and Watts exchanged glances. Squall folded his arms as he reorganized his backstory in his mind.</p>
<p>"I dropped out of Balamb Garden a week ago, after I failed the field exam. I've spent more than half my life training for something that…" he trailed off. "Well, it didn't work out. Now I have to find something else to do with the skills I gained at Garden, and I want to use them to…be useful to someone, I guess. I don't want it all to have been a waste." Squall frowned. Surely this sounded trite and insincere? He glanced up; the three members of the Owls were looking back at him seriously. "And if I'm honest, I've got a personal grudge against the G-Army. I had to fight against them in my field exam." This part was true; he scowled at the memory of the siege on Dollet. "I saw how they operate, and it disgusted me. They messed up my chances of becoming a SeeD," he invented. "So helping out with the Timber resistance appealed to me for that reason. I know I'm not devoted to your cause in the way you might want, but I can fight, and I can help with strategy, and… well, I've got nothing left to lose."</p>
<p>Squall studied the three Owls facing him. Zone was appraising him under a furrowed brow, Watts was leaning back, an open expression on his face; Squall inferred that he was already convinced. Rinoa was staring at him thoughtfully, her fingers fiddling with something - a ring? - on a silver chain around her neck.</p>
<p>"Why didn't you try to take the field exam again?" she asked. "Seifer told me he'd already failed it a couple of times, but he wasn't giving up."</p>
<p>Squall shook his head. "Seifer will never be a SeeD. The only person who can't see that is him. With me, I… well, I knew it was time to leave. It's not for me anymore."</p>
<p>It troubled him, how easily the words came. Barely a week ago he'd been so proud to wear his SeeD uniform for the first time, and now here he was, comfortably pretending to have lost faith in the whole Garden organization. Was that some sort of reflection of a change in how he actually felt? He scowled as he recalled Xu's scornful laugh reverberating out of the phone. He suddenly detested the First SeeD for tainting the pride he'd felt when he graduated. But it wasn't only down to Xu, was it? Cid, the Headmaster, must have approved the mission. And countless other missions like it, for all he knew. Was this simply what SeeD really was? An organization that took on any kind of dirty work, as long as the price was right?</p>
<p>"Right. We're going to hold a conference," Zone announced, and Squall looked on in disbelief as the three Owls squatted down on the floor of the train and begun whispering rapidly to each other. <em>This is their conference? </em>He was starting to see Caraway's point.</p>
<p>Zone straightened up and adjusted the floppy sleeves of his hoodie. "Okay, Squall, starting from today you're a provisional member. First of all, we don't have any funding. You'll have to take odd jobs around Timber like we do. What skills do you have?"</p>
<p>Squall shrugged. "I can probably do most kinds of manual work."</p>
<p>Rinoa stood up too, and smiled. "How about we show him around town a little?"</p>
<p>Zone nodded. "Yeah, that's a good starting point. D'you want to put your bag in your cabin first? We've got three empty ones, so take your pick."</p>
<p>Squall chose the cabin with the least amount of junk in it as his lodging. There was no bed, just a moth-eaten blanket lying on top of several stacks of newspapers, but he thought he could fashion them into something vaguely usable to sleep on. SeeDs were supposed to be able to sleep in far worse conditions, after all. He set down his small bag of clothes on the floor and returned to the main compartment, where Rinoa was attaching a lead to the giant dog.</p>
<p>"Oh, I should have said. I'm Rinoa, and this is Angelo." She offered her hand to him.</p>
<p>Squall took it. He didn't like shaking hands, but somehow it wasn't so bad with her. "Nice to meet you," he said, wondering if this first impression was good enough to set up his mission objective. She didn't seem particularly bowled over by him. Friendly, a little curious maybe, but not... attracted, was that the word? <em>How are you meant to tell if a girl is attracted to you, anyway? </em>He cursed Caraway and Xu again in his mind, adding Cid for good measure.</p>
<p>The four Owls set off into the center of Timber, Rinoa and Watts pointing out places of interest, while Zone stayed mainly silent, watching Squall's reactions. Squall listened as politely as he could manage, while keeping an eye on the Galbadian soldiers that patrolled the streets. It struck him that the military presence was unnecessarily heavy. If the resistance factions were seen as laughable by Caraway, why did he bother placing so many troops here? Simply as a show of power? Squall's distaste towards the G-Army intensified as he overheard their coarse language, saw them spit in the gutters. Of course the Owls wanted them out. Anyone living here would go crazy without the hope that things could change. Caraway's policy of allowing resistance groups to operate was certainly logical. The man was no fool.</p>
<p>Rinoa interrupted his thoughts. "This is where I bought Angelo," she said, pointing at a pet shop. She bent down to ruffle the mutt's fur. "Isn't that right, baby girl?"</p>
<p>Watts was explaining about Timber Maniacs, a publishing company that was evidently quite beloved to the citizens of the town, when raised voices from the side of the street distracted Squall from listening. Two children were shouting at two soldiers, one of the kids holding fiercely onto a bag of groceries as the taller soldier attempted to grab it.</p>
<p>"Give it <em>back! </em>That's for my mom!"</p>
<p>"Don't see her anywhere 'round here," the soldier snarled.</p>
<p>"I'm taking it home to her! You can't just <em>steal </em>it!"</p>
<p>The other soldier loomed over the children threateningly. "Watch your mouth, kid. This ain't stealing."</p>
<p>"The Galbadian Army reserves the right to requisition supplies from occupied territories as and when the need arises," the taller one quoted, a smug smirk visible underneath his visor.</p>
<p>Rinoa whipped her head round to look at Zone. "Ready?" she whispered.</p>
<p>He nodded. "Ready."</p>
<p>"Angelo, fetch!"</p>
<p>Angelo darted off towards the group, clamped her jaw around the side of the bag of groceries and wrestled it away from the soldier. She bounded back to Rinoa and let her mistress gently extract the bag before passing it to Zone, who ran over to return it to the children. "Get yourselves home," he said, pushing the older boy's shoulders gently. The boy gaped, nodded, and grabbed his friend's hand before dashing off down an alleyway.</p>
<p>To Squall's surprise, Rinoa unsheathed a glittering Pinwheel projectile weapon from the bag slung across her shoulder. He'd assumed it was for doggy treats. She advanced on the soldiers, smiling dangerously. "You'll pay for picking on little kids like that."</p>
<p>The taller soldier grinned. "Big words for a little girl."</p>
<p>Squall leapt into action without really thinking about it, and before either soldier could even draw their swords, he had one firmly in a choke hold, the other lying unconscious at his feet after a deft blow to the back of the neck. Squall twisted his fingers in a precise spot, and the soldier slid heavily down to the ground, passed out cold.</p>
<p>He looked up at the three Owls. Zone and Watts were staring at him, speechless, while Rinoa only huffed, evidently displeased.</p>
<p>"What did you go and do that for? I had 'em!"</p>
<p>He shrugged. "I thought you could use the help."</p>
<p>Her eyes flashed; this was clearly the wrong thing to say. "Why, because I'm a girl?"</p>
<p>He frowned at her. No, that wasn't the case. He'd grown up surrounded by female SeeDs and cadets. Indeed, his own instructor, Quistis Trepe, had been one of the deadliest people in the whole Garden.</p>
<p>"You don't think I know how to use this?" Rinoa pushed.</p>
<p>He shrugged. "Whatever. I was just trying to keep you safe."</p>
<p>She shook her head. "You don't need to patronize me. You might have been a big-shot at Garden, but I've been in the Owls for more than a year. I can handle myself."</p>
<p>"She sure can," nodded Zone, while Watts seemed to be finding the situation highly amusing, his face creasing up with bottled laughter.</p>
<p>"You've got to admit though Rin, it was pretty cool," Watts said.</p>
<p>Zone looked Squall up and down appraisingly. "Yeah. It'll be good for us to have someone with your skills."</p>
<p>Watts' admiration was obvious. "D'you think you could teach me to do that?"</p>
<p>Squall blinked at him, surprised. "Uh. Maybe. It'd take a while, though."</p>
<p>"That's okay. I've got the time." Watts peered curiously into Squall's face. "Say, have you ever killed anyone?"</p>
<p>Rinoa's eyes widened. "Watts! You shouldn't ask that," she chided.</p>
<p>Squall looked down, his eyes following the lines of the intricate design of the paving stones on the sidewalk. "During my field exam… I had to. It wasn't out of choice."</p>
<p>He'd felt neither proud nor ashamed of it until now; mostly, he'd been trying not to think about the soldiers whose lives he had snuffed out with his gunblade. But telling the Owls was different. It somehow made what he had done more real. Squall felt uncomfortable. He scowled, and turned away, inadvertently catching Rinoa's eyes, which to his surprise were filled with something like sympathy.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Back at the train carriage, after a paltry dinner of dried noodles and fishcakes, Squall decided to take the opportunity to repair the damage he had caused to Rinoa's impression of him. He sat down at the crate opposite her and wondered what to say.</p>
<p>"Um."</p>
<p>"Yes, Squall?" She didn't look impressed. For the first time, he saw a shadow of resemblance to her father on her face, and it chilled him.</p>
<p>"Rinoa, about before. I wasn't trying to insult you. I can see you have things under control."</p>
<p>Her featured softened. "Thanks. I guess I overreacted. And Zone was right. You did look kind of cool."</p>
<p><em>Wow... that was easy, </em>he thought, as she smiled tentatively at him. <em>She's not the type to hold grudges, I guess.</em></p>
<p>"Do you play cards?"</p>
<p>"You mean Triple Triad?" he asked. Garden cadets were crazy about it; he'd dabbled, though not obsessively. "A little."</p>
<p>"Did you bring your deck?"</p>
<p>"I think I've got it somewhere." He headed into his tiny cabin and rifled through his bag. There it was, in a side pocket. He pulled out the deck, slid off the rubber band and strode back into the main compartment, where Zone was smirking at him.</p>
<p>"You gonna take on the Princess? You're a brave man."</p>
<p>Squall shrugged and gestured to Rinoa to go first. She laid down a Grand Mantis card, a Level 2 card, if he remembered correctly. Not a strong one. If she was leading with her best card, as many players did, this should be easy. He set down a Hexadragon next to it.</p>
<p>Rinoa was setting up a common gambit he'd seen countless times before. Switching mentally to autopilot, Squall played all his highest-rated cards against hers, then suddenly, all too late, realized that she knew exactly what he was going to do. She had laid a trap, and he'd walked right into it. He lifted his head to gape at her, and she winked as she laid down her last card with a flourish.</p>
<p>"Damn. You got me," he admitted, and found himself smiling across at her. Smiling didn't come easily to Squall - in fact, he could almost feel his cheek muscles protesting at being dragged into an unfamiliar position - but there was something about Rinoa's twinkling eyes and warm grin that was thoroughly infectious.</p>
<p>"My old man's a big card player. Just about the only useful thing he ever taught me."</p>
<p>Zone grinned. "I did warn you."</p>
<p>Rinoa snickered triumphantly as she claimed his Tonberry King card for herself and slipped it deftly into her own pack, and Squall found that he didn't mind at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Ice Cream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disclaimer: I make no claim whatsoever to the characters or world of Final Fantasy VIII, which is the property of Squaresoft/Square Enix.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Chapter III: Ice Cream</strong>
</p>
<p>Over the following days Squall came to the conclusion that General Caraway's assessment of the Forest Owls was, by and large, accurate. They were idealistic and earnest, but had no idea how to go about any effective form of resistance.</p>
<p>Watts was cheerful, unflappable and eager to please, while Zone seemed to be constantly struggling with anxiety and had some sort of stomach ailment that flared up whenever there was a hint of stress or conflict between the Owl's members. Then there was Rinoa. From what Squall could tell so far, she was outspoken, stubborn, determined; almost dangerously naive and impulsive at times, too. She was disorganized, and an annoyingly late riser in the mornings. She had plenty of qualities that Squall disliked, and yet he couldn't find himself disliking her. There was a warmth to her that he couldn't remember feeling from anyone at Garden. Had there been someone, somewhere, before that? Squall's early childhood was lost to him in the fuzziness of dissipated memories, and there was no-one to ask. He had a vague feeling that Seifer or perhaps Instructor Trepe had been around when he was younger, but he certainly didn't want to ask either of <em>them.</em></p>
<p>Whatever it was, Rinoa's presence seemed to be stirring some long-forgotten feeling in him, almost a kind of longing. The unidentifiable emotion unnerved him, so he batted it away and tried to think about his next step in terms of the mission. He knew he was supposed to be making a move on Rinoa by now. The problem with this was that Squall had zero experience of making any kind of move on a girl, and didn't know where to start. His progress so far was limited to sneaking glances at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Yet somehow, Rinoa had an uncanny ability to know when his eyes were on her. Each time she would return his gaze with a quizzical look, or on occasion a warm smile. The latter made Squall feel strangely calm; he found himself staring at her for far too long while his brain nagged him to go over and talk to her. But that was a step he wasn't quite able to take, yet.</p>
<p>After three days had passed, he slipped out for a late-night walk to a quiet patch of woodland on the edge of town to make the first of his calls to Caraway.</p>
<p>The general's telephone manner was no less brusque than his face-to-face demeanor. "Yes?"</p>
<p>"This is Leonhart, sir."</p>
<p>"Go ahead."</p>
<p>Squall delivered a brief report on the Owl's activities, the names and roles of the members, and the facts that he had so far managed to ascertain about their financial situation.</p>
<p>"And?"</p>
<p>"Yes, sir?"</p>
<p>"What progression have you made in your relationship with Rinoa?"</p>
<p>Squall scowled into the phone. "Well, it's… I haven't really got her on her own yet."</p>
<p>"She's a teenage girl, Leonhart. Use your imagination."</p>
<p><em>I haven't got one, you prick! </em>he seethed inwardly, then gritted his teeth. "Sir, if she was a level fifty Behemoth, I'd know how to handle her, but this kind of shit really isn't in my skill set."</p>
<p>General Caraway barked out a laugh. "Don't make me pity you, boy." He gave an audible sigh. "Listen, she… She likes ice cream," he said, and abruptly hung up.</p>
<p>Squall threw the phone handset onto the ground in anger, only for it to mock him by bouncing back off the soft forest floor. <em>What the hell use is that? Hey Rinoa, we're members of a resistance movement, wanna go get ice-cream?</em></p>
<p>He stomped back to the Owls' train carriage in a thoroughly bad mood, and finding the main compartment empty other than a snoozing Angelo in the corner, took a seat at the crate-table and stared blankly at the shabby array of posters on the wall.</p>
<p>After some minutes had passed, Squall heard soft footsteps padding their way into the compartment. He didn't have to turn his head to know it was Rinoa. <em>Go away. I can't handle this right now.</em></p>
<p>She settled into the seat across from him. He didn't look up.</p>
<p>"You look deep in thought."</p>
<p>"Mm." He glanced at her quickly.</p>
<p>"So what are you thinking about?"</p>
<p><em>Ah, to hell with it. </em>"Ice cream," he replied sullenly.</p>
<p>Rinoa's eyebrows shot up in amusement. Embarrassed, Squall looked away.</p>
<p>"How long has it been since you had an ice cream?"</p>
<p><em>They used to serve it to me in the cafeteria when I was a junior, so… </em>Squall wrinkled his brow as he attempted to calculate. "I dunno. Seven years?"</p>
<p>Rinoa's mouth fell open briefly, then she stood up and grabbed her bag that was handing on a peg on the wall, slinging it across her shoulder. "Come on, we're going out."</p>
<p>"What? Where?"</p>
<p>"The gelateria in the old merchants' quarter." She yanked on his sleeve, and he found himself stumbling to his feet. "This is clearly an emergency. Seven years without ice cream. That's <em>inhumane</em>."</p>
<p>As they walked down the steps of the carriage and onto the dark platform, Squall felt a warm twinge of gratitude to Rinoa, a thoroughly unusual feeling. "Thanks."</p>
<p>"For what?"</p>
<p><em>Doing my job for me.</em> "Inviting me."</p>
<hr/>
<p>DiMarco's, the gelateria, was one of the only places still lit up in the merchants' quarter. Squall hadn't known that places like this were open at ten o'clock at night.</p>
<p>"Mr. DiMarco's wife works at the hotel. She's really nice. I usually get a discount here because we're friends," Rinoa was explaining happily, as they crossed the threshold of the shop. Squall squinted under the bright lighting at the rainbow of colors of ice cream in the display case, while Rinoa exchanged greetings with the mustached, cheery-faced owner.</p>
<p>Squall tapped her lightly on the shoulder. "What's that green one?"</p>
<p>"Pistachio," Rinoa replied.</p>
<p>He turned to face her in genuine bafflement. "Isn't that a kind of nut?" he asked, helplessly.</p>
<p>Her eyes creased up at the corners as she smiled at him. "Wow, I had no idea SeeD cadets were so deprived. Okay, you're getting that one." She pushed his hand away as he started to reach into his jacket for his wallet. "But it's my treat, okay Squall?"</p>
<p>They sat down at one of the three benches that were nestled tightly into the small space at the front of the shop; there were no other customers at this late hour. Rinoa's gelato was white flecked with small brown chunks, and she had opted for a cone dipped in chocolate, which seemed to be already melting, smearing against the paper wrapper.</p>
<p>"What's yours?" he asked.</p>
<p>"Cookies and cream. D'you wanna try some?"</p>
<p>She thrust the ice cream across the table, almost in his face, and he stared at it uncertainly. <em>This is almost the same as kissing her. Does that mean she'd be okay with me kissing her?</em></p>
<p>He hesitantly took a taste, and Rinoa grinned and leaned forward to steal a sizeable bite out of his pistachio cone in return.</p>
<p>Squall put a hand to his temple, and Rinoa giggled.</p>
<p>"Yeah, that's called 'brain freeze'. Ice-cream's a dangerous business."</p>
<p>"S'cold," he muttered.</p>
<p>She beamed, seemingly delighted, and he was puzzled by her reaction.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"It's fun, seeing this innocent side of you. You're usually a pretty fearsome looking guy, you know that?"</p>
<p>He glowered and looked away, out of the window and into the night. "I'm not innocent."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah?" There was a salacious undertone in Rinoa's voice, and when he risked a glance at her, one of her slim eyebrows was arched suggestively. She smiled and took a lick of her gelato, and Squall cursed himself when he realized his eyes had lingered slightly too long on the sight of her tongue.</p>
<p>
  <em>Is she flirting with me? What am I supposed to do?</em>
</p>
<p>He failed to respond, and Rinoa didn't push him further; but when they had both finished their ice creams she suggested taking 'the long way back', and he agreed. She led him to a spot near the canal, and sat down on a bench, patting it to indicate that Squall should join her. He felt a strange thudding in his chest as he seated himself, cautious to leave a gap between them.</p>
<p>They sat in silence for a while, and Squall gazed into the murky, dark waters of the canal, knowing that this was a prime chance to cultivate a closer relationship, while simultaneously having no idea how to go about it.</p>
<p>"Rinoa, can I ask you something?" he managed.</p>
<p>"Sure."</p>
<p>"You're Galbadian, aren't you? You've got a Deling City accent. Why do you care about Timber?"</p>
<p>She turned to him, and he saw that her eyes were wide in the dark. "Why shouldn't I?"</p>
<p>"Because... it's not your problem."</p>
<p>She gasped slightly. "Of <em>course</em> it's my problem, Squall! It's being done in my name. My people are the perpetrators. That makes it my responsibility to say loud and clear, <em>this is wrong</em>, don't you think?"</p>
<p>"I..." Squall couldn't think of a reply. This was a viewpoint that was entirely alien to him.</p>
<p>"Every single person in Galbadia who stands by and lets this happen - in the name of our own nation! - is complicit. Just as much and the troops on the ground and the army generals giving the orders. We're all responsible. There's no way, no <em>way </em>I could stay at home in Deling and not do anything. I couldn't live with myself. As soon as I was old enough to fight, I left to come here." Her jaw set stubbornly. "And I won't go back until Timber is free."</p>
<p>He didn't say anything, and as the silence stretched out he felt her slump slightly against the bench.</p>
<p>"You think I'm naive."</p>
<p><em>Kind of, but... "</em>I admire you. Maybe envy you, a little. I've never had anything to feel like that about."</p>
<p>"Not SeeD?"</p>
<p>He shook his head. "My whole life was leading up to becoming a SeeD, but it wasn't like a driving passion… it was just… what other people decided for me, I guess."</p>
<p>"Other people?"</p>
<p>"Whoever enlisted me as a Garden cadet. I don't really remember."</p>
<p>"Your parents?"</p>
<p>"No… there was an orphanage, I think. It's all so long ago that I'm not exactly sure what happened."</p>
<p>"So you never had any family?" she prodded.</p>
<p>"I don't think so." He frowned. "I never really thought about it."</p>
<p>"Wow. That must be tough."</p>
<p>She reached out and patted his arm, and Squall turned his face, only to catch the warmth of her encouraging smile at full blast.</p>
<p>"Dammit," he muttered in defeat.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"You're really… nice," he finished, lamely.</p>
<p>Rinoa looked up at him, amusement dancing in her large brown eyes. "Is this you hitting on me?"</p>
<p>Squall turned away from her and shook his head morosely. "This is me realizing why I <em>can't</em> hit on you."</p>
<p>Rinoa gave a quiet chuckle at his side, and it bothered him to notice that the low, alluring sound made his stomach half flip over. "You're kind of weird. I like you, though."</p>
<p>He felt warmth creeping up his arm, waist and leg as she leaned against him. "Do you want me to make it easier for you?"</p>
<p>Squall frowned at her in confusion. "How are you going to do that?"</p>
<p>Her smile was sly now. "I could hit on <em>you.</em>"</p>
<p>"Don't-" he started, and was cut off by Rinoa's soft lips gently grazing his own. The moment was brief, but it made his head spin like nothing else; then all too quickly Rinoa pulled away, gazing up at him expectantly with those huge eyes - why did they have to be so pretty? - and biting her lip nervously.</p>
<p>Squall found that he couldn't think straight, and attempted to tune in to what his mind was saying. <em>Screw SeeD, screw Caraway, and screw this damn mission, </em>it was raging. <em>All I want is to kiss her again.</em></p>
<p>He bent his head down towards her, and felt her eager lips welcoming him for a second time. He was faintly aware of her hand snaking around the back of his neck, sending a small shiver down his spine. <em>Should I be doing something with my hands too? </em>He settled for clutching at strands of her hair, running his fingers through them in wonder at how silky it was.</p>
<p>Rinoa was opening her mouth against him now, and he was gripped by a momentary panic. <em>I'm supposed to put my tongue in, right? How? </em>He tentatively tried to do just that, and felt a wave of relief followed by excitement as Rinoa's tongue met his own, gently entwining and exploring.</p>
<p>Squall closed his eyes and let himself be immersed in the unfamiliar sensations. <em>This is so strange. I'm tasting another person's tongue. Does everyone actually like doing this? </em>the rational part of his brain questioned, as a deeper, more primal voice told him that in fact, he liked it very much himself.</p>
<p>The kiss seemed to go on and on forever, and Squall made no attempt to stop it. In the end it was Rinoa who pulled back, breathless, her eyes sparkling.</p>
<p>"Maybe… um… maybe we should be getting back soon," she said softly, and Squall wondered if perhaps she didn't like the way he kissed; then quickly deduced from the shy smile on her face and the pinkish flush on her cheeks that he'd probably done an acceptable job.</p>
<p>She held his hand on the way back, and he liked the way it felt. But with every step they took, a heavy feeling of discomfort, of <em>wrongness</em>, grew in the pit of his stomach. Rinoa liked him. She'd said so. She'd kissed him. Yet she had no idea what he really was. A spy paid for by her father, sent to deceive her and damage her. And he was enjoying it, wasn't he? He'd enjoyed going on a date with her. He'd <em>really </em>enjoyed kissing her.</p>
<p>…<em>Shit.</em></p>
<p>They walked in silence while the pit of Squall's stomach sunk deeper and deeper under the weight of his guilt.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Coma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disclaimer: I make no claim whatsoever to the characters or world of Final Fantasy VIII, which is the property of Squaresoft/Square Enix.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Chapter IV: Coma</strong>
</p>
<p>Squall's sense of guilt had not shifted one iota when he awoke the next day. If anything, it seemed to have intensified. He swiftly volunteered to help Zone gather and chop firewood in the woods during the morning before Rinoa surfaced.</p>
<p>When he and Zone returned to the hideout, Rinoa was there, smiling sweetly and hopefully at him, and it hit him like a punch in the gut. Squall immediately busied himself with other tasks, avoiding direct contact with Rinoa. He could feel her try to catch his eye several times, and it filled him with self-loathing when he caught a glimpse of the unmistakeable disappointment written on her face. Squall mentally cursed General Caraway intermittently throughout the afternoon. How could any man want to hurt his own daughter in such a cruel, personal way? It was so thoroughly <em>wrong.</em></p>
<p>Rinoa was out buying groceries in the early evening when Watts came over to Squall's seat and sat down cheerfully next to him. "Say, you a beer drinker at all?" he inquired hopefully.</p>
<p>Squall shook his head. "Not really." Alcohol was strictly prohibited at Garden amongst minors; so naturally, the cadets found various ways to purchase and imbibe it. Squall had partaken on a small handful of occasions, but hadn't found the concept of losing bodily control to be at all appealing. Control was his constant companion, and he disliked the idea of relinquishing it for any reason. <em>Except… yesterday with Rinoa. That was... different.</em></p>
<p>Barely noticing that Squall's mind was elsewhere, Watts gave a loud sigh. "Ah, that's a shame. There's a pub I go to a couple of times a week, it's a real friendly place. Booze doesn't agree with Zone's stomach, so he never goes with me. Thought it'd be fun to have a drinking buddy in the Owls for once."</p>
<p>"I'll come with you," Squall offered suddenly. If he went out with Watts, he wouldn't have to be around Rinoa for the next few hours. He could temporarily spare himself the torture of avoiding her eyes while yearning more than anything to gaze into them. That, surely, had to be worth the tedium of standing around in a pub pretending to like beer.</p>
<p>Watts beamed at him in genuine delight. "Great! Grab your wallet and let's go."</p>
<hr/>
<p>The Carpenter's Arms was a cozy tavern in the old lumber mill district, bustling with burly-looking men in their forties and fifties, with a distinct lack of female patrons. Watts exchanged greetings left and right among the throng of bodies as they walked in, as Squall remembered exactly why he disliked this kind of social gathering so much.</p>
<p>"Where are all the young people?" Squall asked quietly as he cradled his drink.</p>
<p>"At home with their moms," Watts answered blithely. "Families in Timber don't like to let their kids out at night under martial law." He shrugged with a lopsided grin. "But I haven't got one, so… booze it is." He clinked his beer glass against Squall's. "Cheers, sir!"</p>
<p>Squall returned the gesture, feeling a unexpected surge of comradeship for the young Owl. <em>Both of us, teenagers with no families…</em></p>
<p>Watts interrupted his train of thought. "Most of these guys were friends with my dad back in the day, before he was killed. Known me since I was knee-high. I'll introduce you to a few of 'em. Say, you play pool?"</p>
<p>"Nope. This is my first time in a pub," Squall admitted.</p>
<p>"Well come on over this way, I'll show you how. It's a whole lotta fun."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Never having had the opportunity before, Squall was entirely unfamiliar with the rules of pool, but to his satisfaction seemed to have quite a knack for it. He found that the mechanics were well suited to his skills: carefully lining up the pool cue to the exact angle, and modulating his force to just the right amount. In a strange way, it reminded him of the action of aiming and releasing the gunblade trigger. <em>Damn, I miss my blade, </em>he thought as he sunk the final ball in yet another game.</p>
<p>Watts, delighted at his new buddy's prowess, was cheerfully recruiting a series of opponents for Squall to play next. Squall sipped on his beer as he waited. Somewhere along the line, it became his third, fourth - or was it fifth? - beer, and his accuracy with the pool cue declined accordingly. Before Squall knew it, he was leaning against Watts' shoulder, laughing - <em>me, laughing? - </em>at some daft Timber folk song with very naughty lyrics that Watts' friend was currently performing with lusty enthusiasm.</p>
<p>Things became more and more blurred until Squall was startled back into lucidity by the sudden clanging of a bell. "Last orders please, gentlemen," the stocky publican called out good-naturedly, and Squall found himself agreeing with Watts that yes, he may as well have one last beer.</p>
<p>The walk home was fuzzier still. Squall stumbled against Watts more times than he could reliably count, and his fellow Owl clapped him on the back heartily each time. "Well, I'm damn impressed, sir. You can really hold your ale, and you're a wizard at the pool table." Watts shot an affable grin over his shoulder. "You may not say all that much Squall, but you're a fun guy when you loosen up."</p>
<p>Squall gaped at him, slack-jawed. "Fun?"</p>
<p>"You sure were a big hit with the guys at the Arms. Let's go again next week, yeah?"</p>
<p>Squall nodded absently, his mind reeling. <em>Fun. Squall Leonhart… is a fun guy. </em>He could say with total certainty that no-one else had ever described him as such in his entire life. <em>Am I fun now? Is it undercover-me, or real me? …Is there a difference?</em> His head was beginning to pound ominously as Watts helped him up the steps to the main cabin of Owls' hideout.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He'd been sitting at the bench, ostensibly to have a coffee to help him sober up, but the coffee was long-cold and the haziness of sleep lay heavy on his brow. <em>Guess I dropped off for a while, </em>Squall thought groggily.</p>
<p>With a jolt, he saw that Rinoa was now in the cabin, seated about three feet away from him on the bench, observing him with a mixture of amusement, annoyance and something else that he couldn't quite identify.</p>
<p>"I think he's coming out of the beer-coma, guys," she announced, and Squall could see a blurry Zone peer over at him from the corner of the room, and Watts give him a cheerful salute from the other side of the bench.</p>
<p>"Rinoa," he mumbled helplessly. Wasn't there something he had to tell her? Something… He really, really needed her to know… <em>something</em>.</p>
<p>His hand lurched in her general direction, seemingly of its own accord, and he screwed up his eyes, willing her to come into better focus. Was she supposed to be this fuzzy?</p>
<p>"Fthrs... asshl, R'noa."</p>
<p>She cocked her head at him. "What?"</p>
<p>Squall clamped his mouth shut and ran his tongue slowly along his teeth. Yep, they were all still there. Top and bottom. There was no obvious reason why coherent speech wasn't coming out. He took an uneven breath and tried again.</p>
<p>"Your father's an asshole, Rinoa."</p>
<p>Rinoa looked startled for a moment then covered it up with a lazy grin. "Oh, you're the kind of drunk that likes to throw out insults, huh?"</p>
<p>Squall shook his head sorrowfully. "He's a shit parent."</p>
<p>"As it happens he <em>is</em>, but what would you know?" she replied in a light tone, but her eyes were agitated.</p>
<p>Squall could feel himself clutching at her sleeve. He dimly registered her warning glare, but it didn't matter; he had to explain, he had to let her know.</p>
<p>"He doesn't deserve you. It's not right," he mumbled into her hair as he leaned considerably further forwards than he intended.</p>
<p>"If you know something about my father, keep your mouth shut until we're alone, okay?" she whispered fiercely in his ear, then straightened up quickly. "I think you guys should try to shift him to his cabin," she was saying to Watts and Zone, and Squall wanted to say <em>no, Rinoa, I need to talk to you, </em>or even <em>Rinoa, I'm sorry, </em>but the words would no longer come out properly.</p>
<p>"Damn, he's heavy," he faintly heard one of the two boys complaining as they each heaved one of Squall's shoulders and attempted to drag him up the steps to his compartment.</p>
<p>The thudding embrace of his makeshift bed came as an unexpected blessing as he hurtled back into unconsciousness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Oath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Disclaimer: I make no claim whatsoever to the characters or world of Final Fantasy VIII, which is the property of Squaresoft/Square Enix.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Chapter V: The Oath</strong>
</p>
<p>The following morning, Squall stood in his tiny cabin, dim light seeping in through the tiny window, the faint smell of ale still lingering along with a heavy fuzziness on his tongue. He threw his bag down on the makeshift bed and with a small sigh, started picking up items to pack.</p>
<p>While getting drunk had achieved very little, his hangover brought with it a strange sense of clarity. Squall knew for certain now that there was only one choice of action he could allow himself to take: to refuse to continue with the mission. It would be pointless to attempt to go through Xu, he reasoned. She'd only hurl insults at him again. No, he would have to return to Deling City and talk to Caraway in person.</p>
<p>Squall shrugged on his leather jacket and slipped his black gloves over his fingers. He had seen a hint of shame in the General's eyes, hadn't he? Perhaps that could be preyed upon. Caraway had to have<em> some</em> tender feelings towards his daughter. Squall would have to exploit those feelings as a means to push the man to rescind his orders. And if he refused… <em>I'll break the contract myself, </em>he decided.</p>
<p>There would be repercussions awaiting him at Garden for abandoning the mission, of course. He would probably be demoted a few SeeD ranks; perhaps his salary would be withheld or he'd be kept off missions for a while as punishment. Squall found that he didn't care. None of those things were as bad as lying to Rinoa felt.</p>
<p>In a way it was a relief, to know that there were some lines he wouldn't cross. <em>I guess I've got a mind of my own after all, </em>he realized. He'd long had a nameless fear that he hadn't been able to understand until now; the fear of what he would become without any kind of conscience. Well, maybe all this confusion meant that he did have one. A weak, nascent conscience perhaps, but a conscience all the same. SeeD had trained him to kill, maim and deceive without ever questioning orders, and he'd been afraid of what that would turn him into. But now… <em>I know that I </em>will <em>question orders. And that's a start. A start towards what, though?</em></p>
<p>He stiffened as he heard a soft, but unmistakeable, knock at the door. He ignored it, and it came again, louder this time.</p>
<p>"It's Rinoa. Can I come in?"</p>
<p>Was there any point in pretending he couldn't hear her? She'd probably barge in anyway. Squall warily slid the cabin door a quarter of the way open, and she promptly jammed her hand in, pushed through and closed the door behind her.</p>
<p>She regarded him coolly for a few excruciating moments. "Have you sobered up?"</p>
<p>"Mostly."</p>
<p>"Okay, I want to know what you meant about my father. What-" Her eyes widened as she saw the half-packed bag lying on the bed. "Are you <em>leaving</em>?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>Her face was stricken. "Why?"</p>
<p>"Because this whole thing is bullshit, and I won't do it." He turned to pack the last few items, with his back to Rinoa.</p>
<p>"What? Squall, you can't just say that and leave. What the hell?"</p>
<p>"I can't explain, so don't ask me to."</p>
<p>"That's it? You're just walking out? After you kissed me?"</p>
<p>He spun round to face her. "<em>You </em>kissed <em>me!</em>" he said heatedly.</p>
<p>"And then you kissed me back! So what was that for, if you were about to leave?"</p>
<p>"I wasn't about to leave!" he protested.</p>
<p>"You're leaving <em>now</em>!" she countered.</p>
<p>He stared at her for a moment, then nodded decisively. "Yeah. I am."</p>
<p>Rinoa barricaded herself against the door and glared defiantly up at him. "You're not going <em>anywhere</em> until you explain what you said about my father, and why you're leaving us."</p>
<p>"I can't."</p>
<p>"Squall. Answer me. Who do you think my father is?"</p>
<p>He couldn't look at her; her eyes seemed to be burning through the top layer of his face. "General Caraway."</p>
<p>Rinoa's shoulders slumped. "Have you told anyone else?" she asked in a small voice, her eyes fixed on the floor of the cabin.</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"You can't. I don't want them to know. They might think I'm working against them. I'm not. I'm really not. I'm <em>nothing</em> like him. I hate everything he's done to Timber. You've got to believe me."</p>
<p><em>She thinks this is her fault. </em>"Rinoa, I… I know all that."</p>
<p>"So why are you leaving?"</p>
<p>"If I tell you, it's going to hurt you."</p>
<p>"Not knowing what the hell happened is going to hurt me more. Squall, please. If it's got something to do with me, I deserve to know." Her voice was growing plaintive now.</p>
<p><em>She does deserve to know</em>, his newborn conscience told him, and he sighed and looked away.</p>
<p>"Before I start, I'm- I'm sorry."</p>
<p>She drummed the fingers of one hand against her folded arms impatiently. "Okay. Now start telling me what it is that you're sorry for."</p>
<p>"I didn't drop out of Garden. I graduated. I'm a SeeD, and your father hired me."</p>
<p>Rinoa's eyes narrowed. "To do what? Rat us out? Pass him information?"</p>
<p>"No. They already pretty much know what the Owls are up to. They don't consider you guys to be a threat." At Rinoa's crestfallen face, he added, "Sorry."</p>
<p>He hesitated, then said, "By the way, you should change your password. He's the one that gave it to me."</p>
<p>Rinoa closed her eyes. "Oh." She was silent for several seconds. When she opened them, her expression was wary. "So what did he hire you to do, exactly?"</p>
<p>"I was supposed to get you out of the Owls. To convince you to leave with me."</p>
<p>She looked at him skeptically. "Well, you didn't get very far with that."</p>
<p>"No… I… Caraway thought it would be simple. He doesn't have a clue how serious you are about Timber."</p>
<p>She nodded, a resigned scowl on her face. "He's always thought I was a stupid little girl."</p>
<p>"Rinoa, I… he wanted me to…" He couldn't say it. "Ah, dammit."</p>
<p>"What?" she asked, suspiciously.</p>
<p>Squall felt himself reddening. "I was supposed to use any means necessary."</p>
<p>Rinoa frowned. "You mean force?"</p>
<p>"No. Uh, persuasion."</p>
<p>She stared at him for a long time before the full meaning of his reply hit her. "Ohhh, I get it."</p>
<p>"No, you don't."</p>
<p>"You kissed me because my dad paid you to." She ran her hands through her hair in agitation. "I'm such an idiot. Ugh. Thinking <em>you </em>would be interested in-"</p>
<p>Squall looked at her helplessly. "I-"</p>
<p>Rinoa glared at him, and he involuntarily stepped back as he saw the sparks of rage gathering in her eyes. "So what the hell does that make you, Squall?" she spat. "A gigolo for hire? Is that the kind of thing SeeDs get up to? Must be nice for you!"</p>
<p>A fierce heat spread over Squall's face. "I had no idea until I met your father that he wanted me to do - do <em>that! </em>And he told me he'd shoot me if it went any further than kissing! So don't call me a gi-"</p>
<p>"Oh, well that's okay then, isn't it?" she cut in sarcastically. "You were just paid to flirt with me and kiss me, and pretend you liked me. How many other jobs like this have you had? You must be pretty good at them by now!"</p>
<p>Squall felt something implode in his chest, and knew he was getting angry now. "Don't think you have it all figured out!" His voice sounded alien in his own ears as his tone rose higher and higher. "If you <em>must</em> know, I'm an unsociable jerk who's hardly ever talked to any girls, never mind <em>kissed</em> one!"</p>
<p>"Yeah, right," she said scornfully.</p>
<p>"It's true." He defiantly held her gaze for as long as he could manage, then looked away when his embarrassment finally claimed him.</p>
<p>"So that was your first kiss?" Her tone had softened.</p>
<p>"Yeah, so go ahead and make fun of me. It's pretty funny really," he mumbled at the floor.</p>
<p>"Hmm. You weren't bad for a total beginner." She gave him a tantalizing smile, then her eyes hardened. "Sucks for you, though, that your first kiss wasn't a real one."</p>
<p><em>Huh? </em>Had he done something wrong? He hadn't been sure if his tongue was doing what it was supposed to do. Why wasn't any of this vital information covered in SeeD training?</p>
<p>"Real?" he echoed, nervously.</p>
<p>"I mean, with a girl you actually like, not one you've been paid to be nice to." Her tone was bitter.</p>
<p>Squall groaned in frustration. "Dammit! Rinoa, can't you see that if I didn't <em>like</em> you I wouldn't be telling you any of this? I'm leaving because I won't take this mission any further, because deceiving you is… it's not something I can do anymore. And that's why I'm going back to Deling to tell your dad he can shove the contract up his <em>bony ass</em>," he finished angrily, then glanced down at her, wondering if she'd taken offense at the somewhat graphic imagery he'd employed.</p>
<p>Rinoa was staring at him thoughtfully, and it unnerved him slightly when he realized he hadn't seen her blink.</p>
<p>A few seconds passed, then she seemed come to a decision, half-nodding to herself. "Are you going on your own to see Caraway?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Be careful. He's a dangerous man."</p>
<p>Squall glowered at her. "So am I."</p>
<p>She raised an eyebrow, smiling a little at his response. "I see. Well, if it turns physical, give him a swift kick in the balls from me. He deserves that much."</p>
<p>He gave her a salute. "Got it."</p>
<p>"Oh, and Squall…" To his astonishment, she tilted her head upwards and planted a soft kiss on his lips.</p>
<p>Squall pulled his head away gently, reluctantly, and above all, confused. "Why?"</p>
<p>She clutched at the silver ring on its chain at her neck and toyed with it, her gaze shyly lowered. "Just wanted you to have a real first kiss. Y'know, without any deception."</p>
<p>"But… why don't you hate me?"</p>
<p>Rinoa looked up into his eyes, and he found himself fighting the urge to bend his head back to hers and feel the touch of her lips again.</p>
<p>"Because you told the truth," she replied earnestly. "Because you're choosing to do the right thing, even though you were ordered to do otherwise. Because you're the only person who's ever stood up to my father on my behalf." She twisted her mouth into a cute smirk. "There are a few other reasons, but they're all pretty shallow."</p>
<p>Squall gaped at her, not knowing how to respond.</p>
<p>"Don't get me wrong, I'm still mad at you," she warned. "I guess I'll be mad for a while after you've gone. But I'd be a lot madder if you were telling me this after a few months. You lasted a whole five days before your conscience got the better of you. So I'd say you're… well, you're not a bad person, Squall."</p>
<p>His voice didn't come out at first, so he cleared his throat. "Rinoa, I - thanks."</p>
<p>Her mouth curved up at one corner. "What for? Kissing you?"</p>
<p>He shook his head slightly. "For helping me find out some things about myself." He gave her a crooked half-smile in return. "Turns out I actually have some morals."</p>
<p>"You didn't think you had any?" She looked dismayed at his admission, and Squall found that he couldn't meet her eyes.</p>
<p>"I always thought I'd do whatever Garden told me to. I never questioned anything. Now… well, I guess I know there'll be some orders that I won't be able to take."</p>
<p>"It sounds like you're going to have a hard time being a SeeD."</p>
<p><em>She's not wrong, </em>he silently agreed, and it was a train of thought that he didn't want to explore right now. "Maybe. But it's a good thing to know. I'm glad." He turned his eyes back to her then, and was hit by the force of her gaze: trusting, concerned, unwavering. Damn, he didn't deserve that trust.</p>
<p>"I'm glad I met you, Rinoa," he said softly, and to his astonishment he found himself engulfed in a fierce hug, the strength of her embrace at odds with her diminutive stature. "Me too," she murmured into his chest, and Squall allowed himself to bring his arms up to fold tightly around her shoulders, one gloved hand stroking her hair. <em>This feels really good, </em>he thought to himself in surprise.</p>
<p>As the moments passed, he sighed; he couldn't carry on indulging his inner desires like this. Rinoa might have been quick to forgive, but he wasn't anywhere close to forgiving himself. Squall stepped back and held Rinoa at arm's length, then nodded down at her wordlessly. She nodded back at him, an expression of pure resolve on her face, and he slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to face the door.</p>
<p>He didn't look back at her as he descended the steps. He had a feeling he wouldn't be able to leave if he did.</p>
<p>As Squall walked away from the Owls' hideout, two things became clear in his mind. One, he vowed that no matter how many years it took, he would find a way to see Rinoa again. Two, he would make sure that when that day came, he would become someone worthy of her trust.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that's a wrap! I hope you enjoyed reading. I had fun writing this. - colobonema</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Another cross-post from FFN, this fic was originally posted for the 2019 Successor Challenge, with "change" as the prompt word.</p>
<p>This was a pretty silly premise, and a fairly silly fic in general (humor with a wee bit of Squall-angst. Squangst?). In-game Caraway wouldn't stoop so low to do something as cold as this, but since I usually think of him as quite redeemable, I had fun making him an utter asshat for this story. Squall is very much in his brooding, socially incompetent Disk 1 state of mind here. Comments are welcome as always! -colobonema</p></blockquote></div></div>
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